Internal Conflicts

From the Law Offices of  Lager, Stout & Ale

Re: Cease & Desist/Restraining Orders

Plaintiff:  Eric's Stomach

Accused: Eric's Brain

Eric's Stomach, here by referred to as The Plaintiff, has taken action against Eric's Brain, here by referred to as The Accused for the following abuses:

1. Flippantly referring to the Plaintiff as "Cast Iron" thus raising expectations of continuous performance to unsustainable levels.
2. Forcing the Plaintiff to absorb repeated carpet bombing from both solid and liquid weapons of mass destruction.
3. Unrealistically expecting the Plaintiff to regularly work overtime while the Accused simply sleeps.

The Plaintiff demands the Accused cease and desist from the procurement and imbibing of all alcoholic products.  A restraining order prohibiting the Accused within arms length of any and all alcohol will also be in place until the Plaintiff has recovered sufficiently from the last 30 years of abuse.

Should the Accused fail to comply with the above terms, the Plaintiff reserves the right to wage gastric war on the Accused until said Accused is a sobbing mass of liquefied goo.

The Plaintiff does stipulate that a warning shot across the bow was committed before these proceedings were put in to motion, but that it was only in self-defense.

The Accused simply feels put upon.

And so it goes...